Slow News Day

This was in Sunday's NY Daily News:

LONG ISLAND TEENAGER ACCUSED OF DRIVING HIGH ON DRUGS, WHILE PASSENGER VOMITED OUT WINDOW

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sunday, December 28th 2008, 10:31 AM

FARMINGVILLE, N.Y. A Long Island teenager has been accused of driving with one car door open and a passenger vomiting out a window.

Suffolk County highway patrol officers say the 17-year-old Nesconset (nes-KON’-set) resident was high on drugs when he was arrested Saturday morning. They say his 15-year-old passenger was leaning out the window of the open door while throwing up.

An officer stopped the car in Farmingville around 3 a.m.

The driver has been charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, driving while impaired by drugs and endangering the welfare of a child.

The passenger has been turned over to a guardian. Child welfare authorities have been notified.


Informative from the get go, "the 17-year-old Nesconset (nes-KON’-set) resident..." The whole time I was pronouncing "Nesconset" just as it's spelt and now I finally know that I was correct.

What's wrong with these LI teenagers? Smoking weed, driving, puking? Just the thought of teenagers acting like this make ME want to vomit. Where are their parents and church leaders? How does something like this happen in America?

Well at least I know where to party in Long Island. My only fear is that this Daily News story will alert the rest of the tri-state area about Mad Phat Farmingville and the place will be totally played-out in no time. Like Seattle, after Grunge.

Thanks NY Daily news, it's reporting like this that will truly keep newspapers from becoming obsolete.

Thundercats

Most fake fan trailers are lame, but they usually give you a quick smirk as to say "Holy shit, can you imagine if that was the actual trailer?" This fake Thundercats trailer is pretty damn smooth. Someday they will make a Thundercats film, odds are it will completely suck. So until that "real" crappy trailer comes, please enjoy this awesome "fake" one:




Bonus Stuff! Here's a look at some people who will be more excited about a Thundercats movie than you:


First up it's Loin-O, King of the Thundercats! I don't know what's more disappointing about his costume, is it the sneakers or the lame oven mitt glove? Oh wait, I know, it seems like this kitty hasn't been neutered (yeesh). Just to make matters worse, it sure doesn't look like he's at Comic-Con or any other place suitable for dressing as your favorite 80's cartoon hero. Looks like someone needs to call HR to explain the rules of 'Casual Friday'.




Here we have Cheetara and Lion-O. I noticed a gentleman sitting in a wheelchair behind them. He looks depressed. He was probably sad about not being able to walk and THEN he saw that guy dressed as Lion-O and just fell further. Poor bastard.




OK these children look shitfaced. The 2nd kid on the left is Lion-O and even though there's a girl dressed as a cat in the middle, I believe it has no "Thundercat" relation. Then again we could always ask tiny Uncle Sam next to her, see what he thinks. You dressed you kid up as Uncle Sam? You could always just get him a lunchbox that says "please wedgie me" which would make things a lot quicker.




(sigh) Where to begin? Here we go: you're a dude, dressed as a chick, based on an 80's cartoon, you put the Thundercats emblem on you car AND you personalized your plate to say "TCATSHO". And yes, I know it means "Thundercats Ho!" which is what Lion-O calls out to rally the Thundercats. What else can I say but great job and meeeeeeeow.

Redemption - 80's style!

Hey do you want to see a cheesy/amazing 80's version of The Shawshank Redemption? Yeah you do:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Steven Seagal

Apparently there's a new reality show starring Steven Seagal.

"Hollywood action man Steven Seagal is to take part in a new reality series which will chronicle his little-known role as a police officer in Louisiana.

The Under Siege star has been a fully commissioned deputy at the state’s Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office for the last 20 years.

As well as going out on patrol, Seagal is said to be an expert marksman, working with the force’s Swat team, and has instructed officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

The new show, which has been commissioned by America’s A+E network, will be titled Steven Seagal: Lawman and will follow the actor as he fights crime in Louisiana."

Years ago I worked on an award show where Steven was a presenter. He was difficult, rude, poorly hitting on anything female and wearing a yellow kimono with jeans - otherwise known as complete awesomeness (just like this picture):


Many years later I worked on a show that involved professional stunt people. After getting to know a few I asked who's the biggest "action star" asshole they've ever had to work with? They all said Seagal and they all had the same complaint - he never pulls his punches. This lead them to tell me the great story of Gene LeBell vs Seagal.

Gene is an old school stuntman and Judo expert. Long story short, Seagal said that LeBell couldn't choke him out. A few minutes later Seagal was passed out on the floor and his pants were wet.

And here's the man that did it:


Fantastic.


So If I were the producers of the new Steven Seagal reality show, I would have these two meet up for coffee. Or maybe a nice glass of this:

2 Quick Things...

I want to formally apologize if I ever mentioned that the Osmonds didn't have what it takes:




And anyone who watched a lot of cable tv in the early 80's should enjoy this:

Political Fight

Yup, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Finally we have the best way for the average American to choose their next President. Get ready...FIGHT!


Here's a bonus unrelated/related clip:

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I'd like to introduce you to a little something called, Karma

13 years to the day - amazing.

Knowing how well OJ likes to capitalize on anything, I'd like to formally pitch a new reality show for him. The premise will be OJ's life behind bars and we'll call it, wait for it, wait for it...'Canned Juice.'

I eagerly await a response from anyone with the power of attorney in Mr. Simpson's interest.