8-Ball is a prison inmate that spends a lot time doing what he does best, giving sound advice. He's spent the majority of his years behind bars, so he tends to only have "prison experience" when it comes to relating to other people's problems . But that doesn't mean he can't help.
He's made the move over to The Furthest Point and is ready to give YOU advice on whatever topic you choose. You can send your questions here
Email 8-Ball and he'll answer you on this blog under the title "Ask 8-Ball."
To give you a better idea of what his style is like, here's some letters that 8-Ball has answered in the past:
Dear 8-Ball,
My best friend and I just started seventh grade and we're in the same homeroom. She is already the teacher's pet and gets all the attention. I get good grades and try to answer questions but our teacher usually calls on Darla and not me. I'm tired of her always being the star of the class. What can I do?
-Samantha, age 12
Dear Samantha,
You really shouldn't worry about your friend; you should be concentrating on yourself and your studies. Your friend Darla seems to have a need for attention, which can be very irritating for others.
This reminds me of a former inmate named Big Lou. He had a big mouth and always needed attention. One day Lou was in the yard and started telling everyone that a certain someone was a "punk-ass." Well that certain someone did not like any of this. So he made sure some crushed prison-issue soap got mixed into Lou's lunch. This caused Lou some annoying little pains and many bowel movements. So when Lou ran to the bathroom in distress, that certain someone was waiting there for him. That certain someone then proceeded to jam his makeshift plexiglass knife into Lou's sternum. Once it was securely in, he broke off the handle so Lou couldn't pull out the shiv from his blood-filling lungs. As that certain someone watched the life drain from Big Lou's eyes, he then said "Now who's the punk-ass, bitch?"
So you see, Samantha, I wouldn't worry too much.
Good Luck!
Dear 8ball,
what should i do? im really bored!! please help me! what should i do to cure this bordem? --summerbordem
Dear Summerbordem,
When you say "bordem" did you mean Borden as in Gail Borden, Jr. (1801-1874)? Ya know, the first man to develop a commercial method of condensing milk. Or did you mean boredom? Ya know, the condition of being bored.
If it's the latter, then I'd suggest getting a hobby. It gets pretty boring here in the joint, that's why I started this advice column. It keeps me very busy and alert-- then again so does the fear of violence, rape and drug addiction.
And if it's the former, well then you're just plain insane.
Good Luck!
Dear 8-Ball Willis,
I have a simple question for you. I was wondering, what do you think a guy really looks for in a girl?
-Curious Carol
Dear Curious Carol,
As the old saying goes "Different strokes for different folks".
Every man has his own personal style when it comes to finding a girl. Some men look for beauty; others value intelligence. Some look for a hybrid of both. But from what I can tell from the guys in here, they look for a smaller lady. The small size helps for overpowering and making her dismembered body parts fit nicely in the trunk of a car.
On the other hand, some guys here seem to like women that are roughly the same size as them, or even slightly larger--because if you're going to wear a woman's skin, it better fit, and fit well.
Good Luck!
So if you're looking for a fresh perspective or advice, then just "Ask 8-Ball."
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