Slow News Day

This was in Sunday's NY Daily News:

LONG ISLAND TEENAGER ACCUSED OF DRIVING HIGH ON DRUGS, WHILE PASSENGER VOMITED OUT WINDOW

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Sunday, December 28th 2008, 10:31 AM

FARMINGVILLE, N.Y. A Long Island teenager has been accused of driving with one car door open and a passenger vomiting out a window.

Suffolk County highway patrol officers say the 17-year-old Nesconset (nes-KON’-set) resident was high on drugs when he was arrested Saturday morning. They say his 15-year-old passenger was leaning out the window of the open door while throwing up.

An officer stopped the car in Farmingville around 3 a.m.

The driver has been charged with unlawful possession of marijuana, driving while impaired by drugs and endangering the welfare of a child.

The passenger has been turned over to a guardian. Child welfare authorities have been notified.


Informative from the get go, "the 17-year-old Nesconset (nes-KON’-set) resident..." The whole time I was pronouncing "Nesconset" just as it's spelt and now I finally know that I was correct.

What's wrong with these LI teenagers? Smoking weed, driving, puking? Just the thought of teenagers acting like this make ME want to vomit. Where are their parents and church leaders? How does something like this happen in America?

Well at least I know where to party in Long Island. My only fear is that this Daily News story will alert the rest of the tri-state area about Mad Phat Farmingville and the place will be totally played-out in no time. Like Seattle, after Grunge.

Thanks NY Daily news, it's reporting like this that will truly keep newspapers from becoming obsolete.

Thundercats

Most fake fan trailers are lame, but they usually give you a quick smirk as to say "Holy shit, can you imagine if that was the actual trailer?" This fake Thundercats trailer is pretty damn smooth. Someday they will make a Thundercats film, odds are it will completely suck. So until that "real" crappy trailer comes, please enjoy this awesome "fake" one:




Bonus Stuff! Here's a look at some people who will be more excited about a Thundercats movie than you:


First up it's Loin-O, King of the Thundercats! I don't know what's more disappointing about his costume, is it the sneakers or the lame oven mitt glove? Oh wait, I know, it seems like this kitty hasn't been neutered (yeesh). Just to make matters worse, it sure doesn't look like he's at Comic-Con or any other place suitable for dressing as your favorite 80's cartoon hero. Looks like someone needs to call HR to explain the rules of 'Casual Friday'.




Here we have Cheetara and Lion-O. I noticed a gentleman sitting in a wheelchair behind them. He looks depressed. He was probably sad about not being able to walk and THEN he saw that guy dressed as Lion-O and just fell further. Poor bastard.




OK these children look shitfaced. The 2nd kid on the left is Lion-O and even though there's a girl dressed as a cat in the middle, I believe it has no "Thundercat" relation. Then again we could always ask tiny Uncle Sam next to her, see what he thinks. You dressed you kid up as Uncle Sam? You could always just get him a lunchbox that says "please wedgie me" which would make things a lot quicker.




(sigh) Where to begin? Here we go: you're a dude, dressed as a chick, based on an 80's cartoon, you put the Thundercats emblem on you car AND you personalized your plate to say "TCATSHO". And yes, I know it means "Thundercats Ho!" which is what Lion-O calls out to rally the Thundercats. What else can I say but great job and meeeeeeeow.

Redemption - 80's style!

Hey do you want to see a cheesy/amazing 80's version of The Shawshank Redemption? Yeah you do:

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Steven Seagal

Apparently there's a new reality show starring Steven Seagal.

"Hollywood action man Steven Seagal is to take part in a new reality series which will chronicle his little-known role as a police officer in Louisiana.

The Under Siege star has been a fully commissioned deputy at the state’s Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office for the last 20 years.

As well as going out on patrol, Seagal is said to be an expert marksman, working with the force’s Swat team, and has instructed officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

The new show, which has been commissioned by America’s A+E network, will be titled Steven Seagal: Lawman and will follow the actor as he fights crime in Louisiana."

Years ago I worked on an award show where Steven was a presenter. He was difficult, rude, poorly hitting on anything female and wearing a yellow kimono with jeans - otherwise known as complete awesomeness (just like this picture):


Many years later I worked on a show that involved professional stunt people. After getting to know a few I asked who's the biggest "action star" asshole they've ever had to work with? They all said Seagal and they all had the same complaint - he never pulls his punches. This lead them to tell me the great story of Gene LeBell vs Seagal.

Gene is an old school stuntman and Judo expert. Long story short, Seagal said that LeBell couldn't choke him out. A few minutes later Seagal was passed out on the floor and his pants were wet.

And here's the man that did it:


Fantastic.


So If I were the producers of the new Steven Seagal reality show, I would have these two meet up for coffee. Or maybe a nice glass of this:

2 Quick Things...

I want to formally apologize if I ever mentioned that the Osmonds didn't have what it takes:




And anyone who watched a lot of cable tv in the early 80's should enjoy this:

Political Fight

Yup, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Finally we have the best way for the average American to choose their next President. Get ready...FIGHT!


Here's a bonus unrelated/related clip:

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I'd like to introduce you to a little something called, Karma

13 years to the day - amazing.

Knowing how well OJ likes to capitalize on anything, I'd like to formally pitch a new reality show for him. The premise will be OJ's life behind bars and we'll call it, wait for it, wait for it...'Canned Juice.'

I eagerly await a response from anyone with the power of attorney in Mr. Simpson's interest.

A Pledge

If John McCain becomes Commander In Chief then I will do everything humanly possible to insure his safety. I will take a bullet, donate a kidney, even let them transfer his brain into my younger body for longevity.

I will do anything to make sure this thing isn't the leader of the free world for the next four years.

After eight years of W and a possible four of this pee-brained witch, we'll be the laughing stock of the world.

Put it this way, if USA was a television show and the rest of the world was the tv viewing audience, we'd be that show 'According To Jim.' My point being, people will look and say "How the fuck is that thing still on the air?"

Dear Fox News,

I would like to offer my services as consultant. In what regard you ask? Let's call it, um - common sense. Yes that's it, a common sense consultant. Here's how we can make it happen.

I'll work from home, you guys run ideas by me and I'll give you feedback. I know things are pretty busy over there, running a 24 hour news channel and all, so consider me a safety net for some things that may fall through the cracks. Here's one example:

Let's say you called me and asked if I thought it was a good idea to label Michelle Obama as "Obama's Baby Mama."

Then I would have said "yes."

Actually, I guess you guys really don't need my services after all. Keep up the great work and God bless America.

WHAT?!

I'm speechless. Please discuss through the comment section if you're as shaken up as me.

Jesus, talk about not knowing a guy.

Dude...

Here's a look at the new Big Lebowski 10th Anniversary DVD edition:

Need I say more?


This is not new, it's The Big He-Bowski:

Ladies and Gentlemen - John McCa...zzzzzzzzz

Wow, was that boring. Just bring Sarah Palin back out for an encore please. Getting me to watch the RNC live, not edited down on the news, is something I never thought would happen. This week though I was there, tuned in. People REALLY wanna talk about John McCain's life, I mean like, a lot.

If you guys like him so much, if he's SUCH the right "American" for you, then why didn't you support him more when he ran in 2000? Oh wait, I remember, you guys liked George W and used all the Bush money and power to run smear campaigns about this "great American" who I guess wasn't quite "American" and "great" enough yet. Amazing what 8 years will do.

How many times do we need to hear about McCain's life? I know the guy is more American than me and probably you, I have no problem saying that...about you. Is it more of "Well you haven't heard Fred Thompson's version yet..." sorta thing? Seriously, if anyone still doesn't know about this man's life please stand up and give a goofy smile...







Not so fast Lindsay Graham you goddamn suck-up.




I watched McCain's speech for as long as I could but at one point I had to change the channel. I decided to watch an old episode of 'Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends.'



Pretty good episode, Iceman, Firestar and Spidey were trying to stop The Sandman from robbing an armored car. Sandman found out Spidey's secret identity, which you can imagine caused some drama.

What I Learned Last Night

If you mix these together:






You end up getting this:



Right back at ya sweetheart ;)






Bonus Info:

She's a good shot as well.

Reason #176 Proving The Internet Is Scary

You're drinking your morning coffee and this gets forwarded to you:


Now you could go on for days trying to understand what's happening in this picture. What you really need to be concerned about is what's in the box under his bed. Is it something that he's not proud of, like: guns, Guitar Hero and body hair? Or perhaps it's something too good - too good for the world. Yes, that's it, it's something that the world isn't ready for...yet.

Let's Shake On It

An over enthusiastic fan gave Cindy McCain a little too much lovin' during a recent handshake encounter and sprained her hand. I found a Youtube clip of the guy, he seems like a strong supporter.

Larry Bird

My favorite basketball player of all time is Larry Bird. When I was a kid I worshiped the ground he walked on. If there was 1 second left on the clock, that was all the time he needed to make something happen. He couldn't run, he could couldn't jump but he dominated the court.

Larry Bird retired in 1992, that's 16 years ago. So I guess I'll throw this one right at the creative geniuses at the Skechers shoe company...what the hell is wrong with you?


What child in this day and age would want a Larry Bird sneaker? And even if they did want them, how in the world did that commercial make it on air? Don't they have meetings and such? Doesn't somebody have to approve it first, like an important person or something? They're not even green!

Is this how it happened?

"Hey what's the date today? What?! The 15th! We're supposed to deliver the Larry Bird kid shoe commercial tomorrow. Well let's get our top guys on it pronto. Oh, they're all on working on the Bo Jackson mandel. Alright then just have the intern do it. Someone print out some Wikipedia info of Bird for him."

Seriously, a guy with an NBA career like this...

NBA champion (1981, '84, '86)
NBA Finals MVP (1984, '86)
NBA MVP (1984, '85, '86)
Nine-time All-NBA First Team (1980-88)
All-NBA Second Team (1990)
All-Defensive Second Team (1982, '83, '84)
NBA Rookie of the Year (1980)
One of the 50 Greatest Players in NBA History (1996)
Olympic gold medalist (1992)

...deserves a better commercial. Eat shit Skechers, you fuckin' nitwits.

He Is Coming, The Chosen One

I've searched the stars, consulted the bones and double checked my math...our savior will be born roughly nine months from now.

Mixed Martial Arts fighter Tito Ortiz and his Pornstar girlfriend Jenna Jameson are expecting a child...such an understatement. You'd be a fool not to begin your worshiping now. The combination of these two people and their professions can only result in something this world has never known before.

So here's to your King...


Here's to your Queen...

And here's to your new God...

He is a merciful God, he only asks that you kneel....

Well, That REALLY Sucks

Iggy and the Stooges (featuring Mike Watt on bass) got their gear stolen on August 4th outside the:

EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL
208 SAINT ANTOINE OUEST,
MONTREAL, QUEBEC, CANADA

"All equipment was in a rented penske 15 foot yellow truck
with u.s. (michigan) license plate number AC46493
parked immediately outside the hotel, the theft had to have happened in the morning, between 6:30 and 7:30 am..."

What the fuck, this couldn't have happened to... um.... I can't even think of a new (crappy) band's name. What the fuck, this couldn't have happened to Creed?! I know the year is wrong but it feels like the right thing to say.

And look at the what the dirty bastards grabbed:
Vintage Gibson bass that had been Mike Watt's go-to instrument since his Minutemen days in the 1980s

Red roadcase containing:
Red Gibson 1963 EB-3 bass (this is mike watt's bass!) USA No serial number

Black roadcase containing:r
Reverend Flying V guitar - Volcano black USA #08001

Black roadcase containing:
Reverend Orange guitar USA 03416 ZSL7

Black fibre case containg:
Gibson red SG short scale bass USA No serial number

Black roadcase containing:
Marshall Vintage/Modern Amplifier UK M-2007-07-0926-2 RoHS

Black roadcase containing:
Marshall Vintage/Modern Amplifier UK M-2007-07-0927-2 RoHS

4x Marshall 4x12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #1 Slant: M-2007-05-0149-0

4x Marshall 4x12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #2 Straight: M-2006-49-0380-0

4x Marshall 4x12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #3 Slant: M-2007-05-0150-0

4x Marshall 4x12 Cabinets (with Tuki cover) UK #4 Straight: M-2006-49-0381-0

Orange Calzone road case containing:
Guitar pedal board and pedals USA/Japan No serial number
Assorted leads USA/UK No serial number
2x mic stands Germany No serial number
Assorted strings and spares USA No serial number
plus:
2x Boss TU2 Chromatic Tuner
Boss CH1 Super Chorus
Fulltone OCD Overdrive
Crybaby Wah
Peterson Strobo-Stomp Tuner Pedal
Whirlwind A/B Boxes
Whirlwind Cable Tester
and many many istrument cables
various tools ( screwdrivers, soldering iron, pliers, etc... )
tambourine and maracas

Cardboard box containing:
Assorted replacement drum heads USA No serial number

Gretsch Silver Sparkle Catalina drum kit USA No serial number
26" Kick Drum No serial number
13" Rack Tom No serial number
18" Floor Tom No serial number
4x Cymbal Stands No serial number
1x Snare Stand No serial number
1x Hi Hat Stand No serial number
1x Drum Throne No serial number

Eden D810 Bass cabinet USA D810RP4 0703E5001

Eden D810 Bass cabinet USA D810RP4 0703E5002

Cardboard box containg:
Eden VT300 Bass amplifier USA 0601E5115

Cardboard box containg:
Eden VT300 Bass amplifier USA 0507E5033

Floor Fan CHINA No serial number

Floor Fan CHINA No serial number

Green clamshell suitcase containing:
Yamaha snare drum JAPAN No serial number
Yahama kick pedal JAPAN No serial number
Zildjian Mega Bell cymbal USA No serial number
Zildjian 15" Hi-Hats USA No serial number
3x Zildjian 18" 19" 20" crash medium cymbals USA No serial number

Brown Epiphone guitar case:
Black Epiphone EB3 short scale bass KOREA F300503

1 x Wheeled Black Pelican case (50cm x 28cm x 20cm) containing :
A selection of microphones and microphone accessories, most of which are in separately labeled black pouches. All of the microphones are of Shure manufacture, also a BSS DI box. Inside the Pelican case there is also a Ferrari pencil case containing an iPod, iPod accessories, various small cables and adaptors, a Leatherman Charge, a Stooges AAA tour laminate, some pain killers, some sharpies, some electrical tape, some business cards (Mr Rik Hart). Within the case there is also a big pair of Sony headphones (model MDR7506) with a long curly cable and three very long XLR to XLR mic cables. Here's a more specific list of the microphones :
2 x SM91
5 x SM98
2 x B98
2 x SM81
2 x KSM32
1 x KSM27
2 x B52
3 x SM57
8 x SM58
1 x BSS AR-133 DI Box
(all manufactured by shure)

http://www.hootpage.com/stoogesstolenstuff/stoogesstolenstuff.html

Pics of the stolen gear here.

The 'W' Trailer Has Arrived

As I've mentioned before I'm eagerly awaiting Oliver Stone's biopic about George Bush. It's not because I'm a big fan of Stone's movies or that I think this will change people's views on Dubya himself. His life and career are even more ridiculous than any Hollywood hack writer could come up with.

If you went to see a movie about a President of the United States that couldn't read but had the authority to make decisions about going to war, but he was really chummy and liked to joke around :) then you'd say "That Jerry Bruckheimer has done it again! Three cheers for Jerry!" That's what you'd say.

So without further ado, I give you the teaser trailer for the most unbelievable/believable movie of all-time.

The Watchmen

An amazing book written by Alan Moore and drawn by Dave Gibbons. This is the book you start your graphic novel collection with. It's the opposite of most hero stories. This is the other side, the dark side: greed, jealousy, murder and little bit of mental illness...delicious. The debate over making it into a movie has been going on for almost two decades - who, how, when and why?

It's a big, juicy, awesome story. So good in fact that squeezing it into one film is a sin. So much will be lost in the trimming of this tale. The only glimmer of hope was in 1996 when visionary genius Terry Gilliam took a stab at trying to come up with a plan of attack on how to bring this gigantic monster to the big screen. This was the end result, "I think it's going to be impossible to make as a film, unless you make it three and a half hours long, which most people aren't going to want. - Gilliam"

For me, that was all I needed to hear. It's done, no Watchmen movie.

(I had hoped on a Watchmen season, like on HBO. Maybe two seasons, get the whole story in there. But did they listen to me? Noooo...)

So for the past year we knew that Zach Snyder (Director of '300') took on the job. We were teased with update blogs and character pics. I only sat and wondered just how much this film would suck. The trailer, which appears before the new Batman film, is online. I will say this - it looks fucking awesome. Who knows what kind of story they're gonna tell, but it looks exactly like the book...exactly.

Even if you've never read or even even seen the book, you should check out the trailer. I think you'll find that this is a big story, regardless of how the script turns out.

Lemmy

He was born one day before Jesus (if Jesus had been born in 1945), he's done more speed than you've had coffee and his voice kinda sounds like what your conscience SHOULD sound like (so you always hear it).

He's Lemmy - the lead singer and bassist from one of the toughest, coolest and most clairvoyant hard rock/metal bands of all-time. Sure most of you have heard of Motörhead and you may recognize Lemmy from his trademark mole, but what do you really know about this living legend, a character the contains the essence of what it truly means to live the rock life? Not much? No problem. Somebody went ahead and did the work for you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the most perfectly titled movie since "Problem Child" - this is Lemmy: The Movie.

Many years ago I was working on a job that required me to be up at an ungodly time in the morning. I was in a van with Dylan around 5am and we were drinking coffee, rubbing the sleep out of our eyes and sitting in silence at a red light in NYC. As we sat there in our soon to be caffeinated depression, a man crossed into the headlights of our rented van. We looked at him, he looked at us - it was Lemmy.

As cool as we thought we were, he could see our eyes locked on him like it was Mr. Belvedere himself. He cautiously paused, as to make sure we weren't two shitfaced dicks that would plow through a red light at the crack of dawn, and then continued on with what had to be the rest of his night/our morning.

I can't remember who, but one of us said, "Jesus Christ, is that Lemmy?" There needn't be an answer as we both new what had just occurred. We might as well have been on a Rock 'N Roll safari that day/night. Keep your windows rolled up and don't annoy the animals - just sit, watch and observe. Photos and such are available at the gift shop.

Cruisin' For A Bruisin'

What do you get when you add this:

With this:

And this:

The answer is this:
His name is Tom Davis and he's the head of The Church of Scientology's Celebrity Centre in Los Angles. He's a perfect specimen of Scientology awesomeness.

Let's pretend Tom Cruise had a twin brother (with the same first name) and he had all the energy, determination and spunk that Cruise posses - minus the acting chops, charm and charisma. Tom Davis is that man, let's just call him "The poor man's Tom Cruise."

The clip below is one of the greatest attempts of being intimidating and tough; which completely fails in that objective. It's part of a BBC investigative report on Scientology where reporter John Sweeney is trying to interview former and current members of the "religion." Everywhere John goes Davis shows up with his own camera crew and interrupts. This is just a clip from an 8 part series on Youtube. If you enjoy the following clip, then go here for part 1 and then take it from there. I highly recommend it, ridiculously fascinating.




Tom Davis fact #26 - He is the son of actress Anne Archer.

(Seriously, how much of a hard-on does Davis have for Cruise? Unreal. I can just see him sitting in a white room with every film Cruise has ever done - watching, studying and learning.)

Sometimes...

words can't describe beauty, art or poetry:

The Wire...HA!

Plain and simple, this is a clip from the HBO show The Wire where someone has added a laugh track in the background. I loved this show and can tell you that it's probably the furthest thing from a comedy. This is great:



More clips from different shows with added laugh tracks here.

Propellerman

For those who enjoyed the previous post of phallic comic book villain Codpiece, then you may enjoy his possible nemesis - Propellerman!


*Thanks to Buka for the dink link.

That's Why God Created Bookmarks

If you're a reader of the Furthest Point then you might want to bookmark the page. I only recommend this because the slightest mistake, given the epic span of the web, could lead you places you may not be ready for.

Example: thefurthestpoint.blogpot.com

Happy Birthday Peter Weller

Peter's most famous role may have been the cyborg lawman RoboCop, but as far as cult status goes it was the role of Dr. Buckaroo Banzai (a physicist, neurosurgeon, Samurai, rock musician and jet car driver).

The film, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, was a Sci-Fi action/adventure (with a tiny dry comedic twist). The story of Buckaroo and his crew defending earth from inter-dimensional aliens had an all-star cast of character actors as well as a young Ellen Barkin and Jeff Goldblum.

The film ends with the words "WATCH FOR THE NEXT ADVENTURE OF BUCKAROO BANZI" and then "BUCKAROO BANZI AGAINST THE WORLD CRIME LEAGUE." Sadly, it never came to be. The end credits continued with his whole crew simply regrouping one-by-one and walking together. Sounds boring but I found myself completely captivated with that and the end credits music. Take a look and a listen.

Here's the trailer (check out just how serious Weller took this role - so intense):


and here's the end credits:

Living Vicariously

It's no secret that comic book writers create characters that say and do things they wish they could do themselves. Most of the time it's delivered with some subtly - not in the case of the almighty...CODPIECE!The back story is simple, Codpiece was born with a severely less-than flattering ding-dong. High school was miserable for our future phallic villain, as his problems with woman began.

The worry over his "size" was so intense that he become impotent, thus pushing him to exact revenge on society and finally get the recognition he could never naturally receive. Talk about killing two birds with one stone, with his newly formed suit he was able to rob banks and catch the attention of the fairer sex.


You can't break into a safe without a drill and Codpice can't drill into a safe unless it's attached to his codpiece (it's simple math really).

He's even got a boxing glove attachment and missile launcher to thwart the cops. Codpiece truly is a self-made man.


So remember ladies, be careful what you say about a man's "situation" because you never know - he could always build a suit with missiles shooting from his cock.

The End.

Dear CNN,

Next time you do a story on same-sex marriages, and you want people to read it, then maybe don't use a picture of 87 and 84-year-old sharing denture spit. Just a thought.

P.S.
If one of these ladies is Larry King, then I apologize.

R.I.P. Stan Winston

Stan was the man when it came to special effects and make-up. He was that guy that who could get me to go to the theater to see a film that I knew I wouldn't like. I'd give one of these, "Well, it's got Stan Winston working on it so can't be that bad, right?" And yes, I'm talking about the film Congo.

Henry T Nicholas III is Not Boring

He co-founded a high-tech company called Broadcom Corp and he's worth around $2 billion - these two facts are the most boring part of Mr. Nicholas. Instead of giving you the long version, here's a list of not boring things Henry has done:

• Spiked the drinks of Broadbcom executives and other tech-industry leaders with ecstasy.
• Maintained an underground drug lair (pictured above).
• Hired hookers for co-workers, business associates and himself while also supplying them with drugs.
• Used Broadcom funds to payoff an employee who knew about his narcotics activities. Payoff was $1 million.
• Had an employee give cash to a courier for an envelope containing controlled substances in the lobby of Broadcom headquarters.
• Had an oxygen tank for his private jet due to excessive amounts of marijuana smoke.
• Instructed co-conspirators and associates to invoice him for drugs with code words like: supplies, party favors and refreshments.

He also loved the bands Metallica, Linkin Park and Orgy. This isn't very interesting but it does paint a better picture of what his secret underground, drug-fueled and prostitute-plenty parties were like.

Henry isn't having that much fun anymore with his twenty-one count indictment for security fraud and four count indictment for drug charges - he's also checked himself into Betty Ford.

Seriously, if you saw a character like this in a film you'd be laughing your ass off at the very notion that a person like this could exist. I'm picturing John Travolta with a bad wig.

'W' Update #2

This is the teaser film poster for the new Oliver Stone biopic, it's is a collection of "Bushisms." Film Drunk has a bigger version for you to read. If you're new to my fascination with this film, you can catch up by reading here and then here.

Do You Like...

the band Pulp, the animated Star Trek show and William Shatner covering the Pulp song Common People? Good news, this is right up your alley:

Ah, to be Young Again

This is not a clever Photoshop, it's real.

Some may see this as negative way for kids to play. Look at it as an easy transition to get them out of the house. Example:

"Stop playing those damn violent video games and go outside, in your completely realistic looking SWAT gear, and pretend to kill each other. It's such a beautiful day and you're wasting it!"

I quote the incomparable Michael Jackson when I say, "I believe that children are the future, teach well and let them lead the way..."

*Update: It's Whitney Houston and not Michael Jackson (both are still incomparable though). Thanks to Doolan for the correction and letting us know that he's the man when it comes to Whitney Houston tunes.

Indiana Jones and the blah blah something about a skull I think

I wanna thank these people above (and George Lucas) for reassuring me that my original feeling, when I heard about the old gang doing another Indian Jones movie, was correct. That feeling was - "Why?"

After seeing the film last night I would have to say that it should have been rated "S" for "Silly." I was annoyed pretty much from beginning to end. If you're thinking "It's just a film, who cares?" Then I'll pull over right now and you can get out.

I have no spoilers here, but I will say that it felt more like an Indiana Jones theme park ride and not a movie. So instead of bashing this film right away, let's take a look at why there was no need for a 4Th film.

Indian Jones and the Last Crusade was the greatest last film in any trilogy. Fans got to learn the following:

• How Indy became terrified of snakes
• How the whip became his tool of choice
• Where he got his awesome look from
• His real name isn't Indiana
  

All cool info that you could probably label as "campy" if you wanted to ,but it was still done in a fun and exciting way to give fans a bunch of treats for the final film. Otherwise known as - the opposite of Indy 4.

We also got to met his Dad and they:

• Run into some Nazi trouble
• Solve the big mystery together
• All ride off into the sunset at the end...THE END!

Perfect way to close the book on the Indy story. I was ready to move on with my life with a tummy full and satisfied.

But no, in true Lucas fashion, it was time to resurrect the story and totally take a big steamy dump on it. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is an obtuse and ridiculous idea. To me it felt like it was once a completely separate film project and then someone said, "Why not add Indiana Jones to it!"

What a mess.

It's pretty clear that making an action/adventure movie isn't brain surgery, but the Indy films were the best action/adventure films that Hollywood had to offer. Some people like to give the 2nd film , Temple of Doom, a bad rap. But guess what, with four Indy films out there to date - Doom is the 3rd best...by far.

So I look back at the top of the page to those pictured above (and George Lucas) and say, "What the fuck are you guys smiling at?!"